i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
