Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
