He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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