I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
