Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
