I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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