I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
