Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
