Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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