my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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