WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
