I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Even my vagina gasped.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
