I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
