just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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