you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
