Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
