I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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