He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
