there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
