I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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