mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
