This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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