I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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