Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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