I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
