Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
