You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
