im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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