is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fuck appropriateness.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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