our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
