I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
where am i from again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
