Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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