she woke up with a sticky ear
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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