i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
