I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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