Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
