Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
