I wish I only lived at night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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