foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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