Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
