and next time when you feel me up, do it right
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
