ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
is that a dick in a sweater?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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