her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
