things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
