You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
