Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
