fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
