You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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