I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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