One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
